Kate has yet to take over

I sound crazy, don't I? Like I'm awaiting the moment my other personality awakens and turns me into someone else?

I wish this were the case, actually. So, I made what could either be looked at as a huge mistake or a wise, but challenging, decision.

I decided not to further pursue a full time job that pays $10 an hour. Okay, before the hypothetical audience asks why I would turn this job down, let me explain myself. It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. I was called back for three interviews total; I attended each of them. The last one is the decider, the 5-hour observathon where I spent 4 hours behind the front desk, saying hi to anyone who walked in and serving beverages when they were asked for. Some points were very busy with people coming in; others were incredibly dull and I had nothing to do but sit and pretend I had something interesting to look at, even though there was nothing. At 4:05 I told the woman working the front desk/coordinator position I was applying for that I wasn't sure I could handle this. I should have specified that I wouldn't be able to juggle school with a full time job, but she understood and let me go a few minutes later.

The whole time I was there I felt awkward, uncomfortable with myself, and I was in the way (the area behind the front desk was quite cramped). It's hard to smile and look at ease when you aren't expected to actually DO anything, but at the same time you know you have to do SOMETHING. I stuck out because I wasn't working there; I probably looked like some random pasty girl just sitting back there awkwardly, trying to force my stiff face into an easygoing smile while looking important, like I served an actual purpose.

But it just didn't feel right to me. The cons outweighed the pros. I'm volunteering my time and knowledge at my local library to help teachers teach adults how to speak English as a second language (ESL). Keep in mind this is volunteering, not a paid position. However, I think I will grow to enjoy it and it's a valuable experience. I also want to use this as an opportunity to improve my people skills, which need a lot of improvement, and figure out how to loosen up, have fun, and become a somewhat competent helper in tutoring. The people I've met so far are very nice and also very direct, which I appreciate. I hate vagueness. To me, that shows a person who can be deceptive and manipulative. I appreciate honesty and concise answers.

One of the more obvious reasons why I chose to not further pursue the full time job is that they are looking for a committed employee; someone who will stay with the company for a long period of time, someone who will help the company grow. I can not commit to it, as it is not my career goal, and I wouldn't feel right working this job for a few months and then have to quit because of school. That would be more work for them to go through, and that wouldn't be fair to them.

What I want is part-time work, something I can juggle with being a full time student. (Not to mention the perks of being a student which include insurance and discounts).